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biscuits and other heavenly pursuits

smoothies

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So until like a year ago, we had this awful blender. It didn’t even deserve the name of blender it was so bad. We should have just called it blen. Or der. But anyway, point in case, it was really bad. Like so bad that smoothies were a rare treat because nobody would ever dare use our blender because they’d end up with lumps of unidentifiable banana mush in their drink or chunks of undigestible ice and smoothie leaking out the bottom of the machine all over your counter and on your feet which would kind of just ruin the whole smoothie experience.

But one day, we were in one of those huge suburban stores that sell 12 kinds of everything in bulk and… we saw it– a vitamix! It was high up on a pedestal radiating glorious sunlight and the clouds parted and the angels sang. We bought it instantly and took it home and made exactly 98172 smoothies at that very moment, none of which caused anyone to call 911 because they choked on a lump of banana or something.

Now although the vitamix could blend up anything that didn’t necessarily mean that all of our smoothies actually tasted decent (cough cough celery smoothie cough). So in order to prevent any future smoothie disappointments, here’s my basic smoothie making process:

Step one:

Get a vitamix! Ok well you don’t really need to blow 200 bucks just cause I said so but honestly if you’re blender sucked like ours did just go buy it. Really.

What if I told you that you could throw an avocado pit and a whole lemon into it and it would pulverize it. Does that convince you? mmhmmm, thought so.

Okay. Anyway, now that you have a vitamix, onto step two:

Basically what I do is just scrounge around in the fridge and pull out anything fruit-related. Here’s what I found:

– pineapple cubes

– milk

– farmer totman yogurt

– a peach

– some grapes

– a box of strawberries

– the leftover wrinkly blueberries that I didn’t eat the other day in hopes that someone else would but apparently they didn’t.

– oh yeah and a rebellious banana that somehow escaped the picture.

Okay! Tip: add the liquids in first (ex: yogurt) unless you want your blender to make velociraptor noises.

Wooo! Fruit time! Pineapple and bananas!

Grapes and peaches! Wooo yeah let’s pretend I’m this healthy all the time! And that I don’t eat a loaf of bread for breakfast everyday.

 

More fruit! And throw in some milk if you think you went a little overboard with the fruit and don’t wanna eat your smoothie with a spoon.

Aaaaand now add some ice! Which totally counteracts the extra milk and makes no sense now that I think about it!

Whatever. Just blend dat stuff up.

Pour it into some cups…

And drink it! Before the ice melts and the yogurt gets all funky.

At least there’s no banana chunks.

Author: nyckid

funnel cake is my one true love

One Comment

  1. This made me laugh!! Maybe I’ll just have to see the light & buy a vitamix!!!

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